


Life and Death (such a fickle thing)

by ChaoticNeutral18



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Hurt No Comfort, May god forgive my sins because my server won’t., Pain, Platonic Relationships, Sorry Not Sorry, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, no happy ending, pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:28:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27388726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticNeutral18/pseuds/ChaoticNeutral18
Summary: A youngling learns the cost of war, and a helmet sees her through it all to the very end.
Relationships: Original Jedi Character & Original Clone Character
Kudos: 12
Collections: New SW Canon Server Works





	Life and Death (such a fickle thing)

**Author's Note:**

> I blame it all on the New SW Canon Server and encouraging my angst.

This helmet was last worn by one of Jango Fett’s DNA in the first months of the war. After his brutal death during the breakout of Ziro the Hutt, the helmet was painstakingly cleaned of blood and brain matter, and shined with salty, pained tears of a child. 

Amira was only 9 when the war started, and felt the pain of her brethren from the beginning, being psychometric. Every time she accidentally brushed against a returning Jedi, she was paralyzed with pain, fear, and overwhelming sorrow. She quickly learned that there was no guarantee anyone would return ever, but it didn’t really become truly real for a few months.

At the beginning, to try and give the children a sense of normality, there was a field trip organized to the senate and to the coruscant guard’s offices. 

Amira went with her clan, and met a vod named Chai, named for the mando word for life as he always seemed so lucky and happy with life. She bonded with him on that trip, and they became pen pals, with her often sneaking over to the barracks to give him some of her baked goods, always ending in thank yous and being grudgingly escorted back to the temple.

One day, everything changed. She was sneaking to the barracks and when she got there, she found Chai’s bed, being changed and fitted for another vod. 

“What’s going on? Where’s Chai?” She asked, hoping beyond hope that he was just reassigned, reinforcements for a battalion. Looking around the room, she could see and worse, _sense _, that she was horribly wrong. Hyperventilating, “Oh no. Oh no. This can’t be happening he’s always so lucky no no nononono-“__

__One of the older troopers, who had seen battle in Geneosis, touched her shoulder, tears brimming unshed in his eyes, and handed her a freshly washed helmet that against the odds still smelled of violent iron. “There was an attack at the senate. Cad Bane held senators hostage to free Ziro the hutt, and had to go through troopers to do it....I’m so sorry.”_ _

__That was it. She couldn’t take any of this anymore, how many would she lose, _how many friends how many family _-. Oh force, this is how it feels to be a commander isn’t it, the pain of losing everyone while you’re trying to hold it together for the galaxy, and you don’t get anything back ever. How. _How _can they do it? How can they stand it?_____ _

______Amira tried to stand up, to rush to the fresher and vomit up every bit of the baked good she was going to share with Chai, who would never taste anything again.... she fell to her knees, gagging back vomit at the thought, but in vain._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m so sorry, I’ll clean that up you don’t need a mess i’m so sorry-“ she rambled, still heaving, tear tracks running down her face._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s alright ‘Mira. It’s okay.” The same trooper from before that gifted her _his _helmet crouched down in front of her, gently picking her up and putting her on _his _bunk. She just started sobbing louder. “Hey, shhh. It’s going to be alright. It’s awful but Chai’s marching on. He’s watching down on you, would he want you to be like this or would he want you to be happy and live your life well for him?”_____ _ _ _ _ _

__________“L-live my life well” she hiccuped, still crying into the bunk as another vod silently cleaned up the puke._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The rest of that day was spent sharing stories about him, after a quick call to the crèche. She left, feeling a bit better but still sick, with his helmet as “he’d want you to have it” as she was told._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________This was 3 years ago. She’s 14 now, a padawan with Master K’shielta, fighting with her battalion the 180th. The helmet was still taken with her everywhere, never forgetting the cost of war and yet also the importance of friendship._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________They had just gotten a message that General Kenobi had killed Grievous, ending the war. She was so happy, Chai’s fate would _never _happen again to a vod.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________She entered the mess clutching the helmet, reveling in how much freer all her men looked, how much weight was just taken off their shoulders.  
As she was talking with her jubilant men, from the corner of her eye she saw their clone commander pick up a holocall. He, moments ago relaxed and happy, suddenly tensed and his movements became nearly robotic. Faintly she could hear “understood.” He hung up, turned to the now silent mess, and said simply, “the chancellor said to execute order 66.” _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Seconds later as she died at the hands of her men, she wondered if this was how Chai felt, being shot by deceivers in friendly armor._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________With the last of her strength, she clutched _his _helmet to her, and said a silent prayer, as she was shot through the heart, eyes looking unseeingly to the ceiling, reuniting with Chai.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> I took Chai’s name from the Jewish symbol of Chai, which symbolizes life. (Yes I am Jewish.) I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
